Yesterday I gave birth to most snuggley little baby boy ever...so warm and cuddly and well just full of honest innocence. Today I woke up to this sweet little one sneaking in my bed to have snuggle time with Mommy. Of course Mommy begged for just a few more minutes of sleep and quiet time. HA! Not with my munchkin- He's so chatty and full of "Hey Mommy did you know"s. Wait- confused- well my sweet little angel baby is actually 5 and 1/2 now. Not just 5- five and a half! Guess I must have really overslept. See the thing is kids grow up sooooooo incredibly fast. Blink and you miss out on the best moments. I feel like I went from mom of one tiny little baby to mom of three monkeys overnight. I guess I did jump from mom of one to mom of one and stepmom of one pretty instantly when my prince charming swept me off my feet. So lucky! Not only did I find prince charming but I was blessed with the most amazing little princess at the same time. Talk about a fairy tale re- invented. See the stepmom/child is not always evil Mr. Disney. Don't worry I'm not going to attack Disney- actually love Disney. Just wish some of the stories were little more close to the reality kids experience- of course guess that would require a huge change in perspective of what a fairy tale really is. But wait- I'm getting completely sidetracked. So bam I had 2 kids- then bam again I was prego! This time God blessed me with a sweet baby girl- my Lucy- better known as Lulu- or if you ask my son- her name is Luey. See God had a plan- he knew I was stuck in the world of a little boy and would need a better understanding of little girls to help parent my inherited princess. Well it work- see I think having a little boy is super fun and well just AWESOMELY ENTERTAINING. But having a little girl is like a step back to being a little girl- so much more delicate. Don't get me wrong my son is delicate- but in a delicate kind of stubborn temper way. Ha. Anyway my teeny tiny little baby girl is sneaking her way into a wild toddler way too soon. She's almost 11 months now and practically running. So what I'm getting at is I am having a "my kids are growing up too fast" mom moment. And I'm not sure where to go from here- or what to do. My son starts Kindergarten in just over a month. I'm sooooooooo NOT ready for that. Yet he is. And my little princess is only a year away from it. I worry I will smother my little baby girl out of fear of losing my older babies. Have to at least keep one a baby. Yet I know that is not the right choice. I have to support the new stages of their lives- and oh how fun each stage is when you allow it to be. I have to change my attitude from "my baby is growing up too fast :( " to "look what my baby can do now!"
But my bigger issue is mom guilt. What do I mean you ask? Well I don't know about all moms- but I know there are at least some moms who fall for this mom guilt crap like I do. Here is my struggle. So I am a working mom- full time- 40 hours a week. So I'm constantly busy...constantly. And my kids are still young so I know this will only get crazier as they join sports and make friends...ahhhh! Anyway I beat myself up for not being a good enough mom. I tell myself I'm not home enough, I'm too busy, I can't keep up, I failed my kids again, I wish I was like so and so- she's such a perfect mom- why can't I be like her...blah blah blah. The thing I have learned is no mom is perfect. None! Nope not even one! But we sure paint them to be perfect. We think- she has it all together- look how well behaved her kids are, look how nice her kids outfits are- they all match- perfect, look at how clean her house it... blah blah blah. But guess what behind the scenes she is probably a wreck too. Probably beats herself up over dumb crap too. Right I beat myself up that I'm not giving my kids the time they need. It's a vicious circle of confusion and stupidity. So I could make a list of all the things I do wrong as a mom and set goals to improve these areas...BULL CRAP! For one- I don't have time to make a list that long and well it would only make me feel worse. Or I could make a list of what a great mom I am and how many things I do right- MORE CRAP! For starters- not that long of list and would sink right back into- my list is shorter than hers nonsense. OR I could quit being such a butthead and open my eyes and see I have three amazing little rascals whose clothes might not match perfectly and hair little messy and slightly wild- ha- but they LOVE ME!!! See I know I am not a perfect mom- but I am the perfect mom FOR THEM!
