So I swear my heart stopped for a least a minute last night. I was sound asleep (well as sound as a mom can sleep.HA) and my sweet little baby Lulu is just a few feet away snug as a bug in her crib- or so I thought. First of all there is nothing more sweet and calming as a sleeping baby. I must take a huge sigh of relief at bedtime when my baby finally falls asleep. It's my only quiet time, my only peace from the busy life of a houseful of munchkins. Second there is nothing more startling than waking to something going wrong with your baby. Lucy started coughing- which has been common because getting over a cold, but this cough was different. My mom ears perked up and I jumped out of bed to find her gagging and barely breathing. Instant panic- everything froze- my world stopped...dead silence... all I could say was "Matt" not loud- just normal voice and man did Dad jump. Funny because I think we both had a heart attack at the same time. Lucy gasped and caught her breath. All happened in just a few seconds- but felt like eternity. So ended up a sleepless night because my mom worries kicked in and was paranoid the rest of the night. Isn't being a mom great? Yup- little sarcasm there... but really it is great...exausting, frustrating, and amazing all at the same time. Being a parent means sacrafice, means doing things you don't always want to do, means putting someone before yourself, means learning new ways to do things, means changing your plans constantly, means being awoke in the middle of the night, means losing control. WHOA... losing control is not something I signed up for. Not at all. See I have a control issue- guess its good I know it- but issue still there. But my little ones are breaking me of it- teaching me I cannot control everything. But being a parent also means joy, means laughing so hard you cry, means being loved no matter what, means fun, means being blessed, means experiences beyond imagination, means everything.
So what did I notice in all this. I noticed that down to the detail God designed me to be a mom. Noticed that God created me with amazing ears. HA. Ears that can hear the tiniest cry and ears that can tune out the loudest screams. He made me strong as steel, yet fragile as glass. Made me selfish, yet sacraficing. Made me crave sleep, yet function without it. Gave me a heart that can hold more love than I could ever imagine. And to think He loves me more....
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