What am I thankful for...

So last night I was asked "What am I thankful for?"  And of course I said "Lucy!" Such a sweet little perfect baby how could I not be.  But I must be honest with the world..there were times during pregnancy and after that I questioned my choices and was not so grateful.  Now listen-

I LOVE MY DAUGHTER TO THE MOON AND BACK AND WOULD NOT TRADE HER FOR ANYTHING IN THE WORLD!!!! 

But out of honesty- when I found out I was pregant I was terrified- excited but so beyond nervous and shocked.  See Matt and I knew we wanted a baby- but did not intend to have one so soon.  And after 5, yes FIVE negative preg tests I had convinced myself I was NOT pregnant.  I had the stomach flu- that is why I could not stop vomitting- that is why I went to my doctor.  My doc convinced me to take one more preg test just to be sure- so I reluctantly agreed...took my test and left the office on my merry way back to work.  Well I was barely around the corner when my phone rang asking that I come back to the office b/c doc wanted to talk to me more....and I knew.  Yet me being stubborn still questioned him- was this a joke- was he messing with me???  How could I be pregnant.  How????  Well I was.  And the preg was not peachy picture perfect experience.  It was rocky!  My hormones went in every direction my emotions flip flopped daily- sometimes hourly-HA- poor Matt.  Matt and I had a major relationship meltdown- and his family who I thought I got along great with attacked me and kids.  Including telling my future step daughter to kick me in belly to kill the baby.  Yes someone actually told this to Ella.  Sad.  Matt and I tried to go to our Pastor for counseling only to feel pushed out of the church for our choices and actions.  My world crashed.  I was terrifed- how would I raise baby without Matt if we split- how could I keep away from his crazy family, how could I afford, how? how? how?  Instant panic.  I considered options I never imagined.  But I was not thinking- I was not trusting, I did not turn to God for help.  I feared so deeply for this baby to have a better life than what I thought I could ever give that I wanted to run away and give up.  Anyway once I finally turned to God things settled down, Matt and I worked issues out and comitted to our family and each other.  I elimated people from my life that judged and attacked me- I reached out for help.  I found new friends in new places and all was well.  Physically and emotionally drained - but ok. I was not thankful for timing of pregnacy but excited for baby.  Then finally induction day came.  Out came this little perfect girl and I melted.  I was overcome with joy.  I was so thankful and so blessed and just amazed at what God had done and was doing in my life.  So thankful to have Matt to go thru this with- so thankful to have a daddy for my little baby.  A daddy that loved his daughter to the moon and back.  Now trust me it has not been ideal at times- like everyones life sometimes things just suck.  There are good days and bad- but I cannot imagine my life any different.  I have 2 children and a future stepdaughter and a fiance (Yes Matt I will set a date) who love me and each other dearly.  I watch Drew and Ella just melt over Lucy and think gosh she is the luckiest baby in the world- to have two siblings that adore her- I mean really adore her- how special.  This baby that I was so worried I could not give a good life...wow she is SOOOOO loved!  By family, by friends (more than more group- especially), by coworkers, by neighbors, by her Mommy and Daddy, and most importantly by God.  A father that knew exactly what he was doing when he created her- and placed her in my belly with love and never left our side.  So that is what I am most thankful for today.  Will post a complete list closer to Thanksgiving.